In 2021 my daughter turned 18 and her birthday party was eventful, to say the least!
Here’s an idiot’s guide to hosting an 18th birthday party (FYI we were the idiots!):-
- DON’T!
- If you’re idiotic enough to ignore number 1, then definitely do not host at your house.
- Don’t host in a marquee in the garden during a storm. Particularly when the following day is glorious.
- Don’t baulk at the cost of paying someone else to create a balloon garland; instead deciding you can save a few quid and make it yourself. Yes, with a few YouTube videos, it is doable. But, this will be 3 hours of your life you can never get back. And huge thanks to the delightful young man who popped half of it within 10 minutes of arriving.
- Don’t buy doughnuts and expect teenagers not to confuse them with frisbees. Cleaning chocolate dough off a pristine white marquee wall to avoid the extortionate cleaning surcharge is no picnic.
- Don’t supply teenagers with a year’s worth of Pick n mix. Alcohol and sugar are not a recommended combination.
- Three buckets reserved for the vomiting uninitiated drinkers will never be enough.
- TOP TIP 1: when the puker’s parents arrive, send the little darlings off with the bucket and hope it never returns.
- TOP TIP 2: when the puking starts retire to the bedroom to ‘look after’ your other child and leave your husband to deal with it.
- Hire a port-a-loo – do not let anyone into the house as they will bring in with them 72 doughnuts mushed into their shoes and copious glitter confetti, which you used to decorate the buffet table. Said glitter will forever more decorate every inch of your home.
- Definitely do not leave the only key you possess for the conservatory in the lock, only to discover after the party that it’s vanished.
- Line up a locksmith in advance so that you don’t have to wait weeks to secure your property.
- Search all guests on entry for Sharpies, otherwise you will spend days trying to erase ink from every surface (forget drugs, alcohol or offensive weapons. This is permanent ink we’re dealing with people!)
- Do not allow drunk guests to fall backwards, pulling a radiator off the wall in a vain attempt to save themselves.
- Never allow even drunker guests to fall into the flower beds, breaking the brand new garden lights you just spent a small fortune on.
- Do not let anyone take their coat or other articles of clothing off or you’ll be left with an extensive collection of lost property. Including but not limited to 3 leather jackets, assorted rings, a bracelet and a pair of Spanx!
- Search guests on leaving for stolen dustbin lids, keys, etc
- Do not believe your 18-year-old when they say they’re only expecting 30-40 guests, because at least double that will turn up. Apparently, that kind of maths isn’t covered at A’ Level!
- Step away from the cake! However much you’ve ordered, halve it. Because if you ever see cake again, you’ll be wishing that you hadn’t relinquished all those buckets.
- And finally and most importantly, study the look on your beautiful daughter’s face (or son’s) as they have the time of their life, and cherish it. Because next year they’ll probably be at University and, sadly, you won’t be there to share in the fun.
Final thoughts…
In hindsight, I should have titled this article how NOT to host an 18th birthday party! Hopefully, your party hosting prowess is better than ours.
I’d love to hear your favourite party anecdotes in the comments below.
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